EDITOR'S NOTE: A friend of mine who lives in Pennsylvania is trying to figure out why he's out of sync with many Amerians especially those on the Right...
by Marc V.
I’ve been struggling, albeit with some bemusement, for the past several months, trying to get myself outraged and all worked up over Hillary’s emails and server. After all, it seems a large majority of American’s seem to be terribly upset and concerned that somehow, all of the nations most top-secret information was secretly housed on a private server in a private home in Chappaqua, New York.
All the Republican candidates seem to be outraged by this seeming lack of security for our nation’s top secrets. Mr. Trump thinks she ought to be in jail. Two congressional committees continue to spend tens of millions investigating what all was actually on that server, and in those emails, or, God forbid, which ones did she delete and scrub clean before she turned them over to the government.
And it now seems that a significant majority of my fellow citizens know, with certainty, that there MUST BE something she’s hiding, or why else wouldn’t she use the secure, confidential, unassailably safe government servers and email eddy’s of the State Department?
So, in my confusion about why I can’t seem to get upset about this, I did what I usually do in these confused situations: I turned to my 3 most trusted Facebook friends for some thoughtful insight.
Ching Chang Chong from the Peoples Republic of China; Hamid Habibe Hediddle from the Islamic Republic of Iran, and Boris Valarie Trumpinsky from the Russian Federation. I have come to know all three to be thoughtful, neutral, and insightful observers of American politics.
I was certain that each of my friends would offer me sound and solid analysis about why my blood should be boiling over Hillary’s emails.
My first message went to Ching. Ching, I asked: Why is it that so many of my compatriots, and all of the Republican presidential candidates, are angry and indignant about Mrs. Clintons use of a private email account, and a personal server, while she was Secretary of State, yet I can’t seem to get upset? Can you help me?
Within an hour, I had an answer from Ching. “You...be upset? Why? Why should you be upset? My government didn’t even know she HAD a personal email, let alone her own server in Chappaqua. We had to READ about it in the Wall Street Journal, YEARS after she had left the State Department. WE are the ones that are upset.”
Confused and bewildered by his answer, my next message went to Hamid. “Hamid my friend, have you been watching the American press and reading about all the anger over Mrs. Clintons use of a private email address and her own personal server? Somehow, I don’t seem to be worried or angered by this circumstance. Can you tell me the obvious facts that I am missing?” I was certain that Hamid would enlighten me.
Within 30 minutes, my Facebook messenger was dinging. “My dear, non-Islamic, friend, this is almost as silly a question as those in your country who ask why it is that BOTH the Islamic Republic of Iran, and the Devil United States, want to eliminate ISIS. It is self-evident. You are not upset because there is absolutely no logical reason for you to BE upset. Did you know that when my most beloved and revered Supreme Leader learned of this fact from a re-tweet of the Drudge Report, he ordered the death of our top 20 intelligence officers? He couldn’t even find Chappaqua on a Google map!”
My mind was now spinning. My friend Ching is upset. My friend Hamid is upset. And yet they are telling me, I’m ok??
As I was pondering how to frame the correct question to my friend Boris Trumpinsky, my Facebook messenger again started dinging. Ah hah, I thought, one of my friends has further thoughts and will now enlighten me.
I immediately opened my messenger, and was stunned to see the following message from my friend Boris.
“My dear friend and comrade Marc. Only a few minutes ago I received a tweet from my friend Nam Dong Kwang of the DPRK, indicating that you are asking questions regarding Mrs. Clinton’s use of a private email and server, and you are wondering why so many of your compatriots seem outraged, yet you do not. Do you know how many billions of rubles President Putin had to give to our KGB so that they could hack into Leon Panetta’s two computers to discover why they were never able to intercept any of Secretary Clinton’s communications?? Billions and billions. It was OUTRAGEOUS!!!”
I read his message again and again. I sat in silence. I didn’t even know Boris had a friend named Nam Dong Kwang from the DPRK. Geezzz...what IS the DPRK?
What AM I missing???
And then, in a flash, it hit me.
The only U.S. government emails and the only quasi-governmental server, that haven’t been hacked in the past 7 years are the ones nobody knew about, located in Chappaqua, New York.
Now I can rest easy! Problem solved!